meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
