Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
