Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
