dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
