You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your penis caused this!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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