Define "chronic" masturbator.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
