i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
