It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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