You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
