Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
