Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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