Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
