My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I stole a fireplace last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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