I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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