My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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