We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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