Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My balls are so social today.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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