everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Farmville is her only friend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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