Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
