Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
