I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
