So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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