did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
