My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
