Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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