Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
