You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
