awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
