Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
