yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
