Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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