I didn't shave. On purpose
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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