that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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