Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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