She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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