Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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