dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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