Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
