do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
