Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
