i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
