I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
