my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
