oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
