Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
