so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
