i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
