We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
