the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
