We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
