As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
